Monthly Archives: February 2008

And A Little Something More 4 U

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Today, I pulled out a heat pump that we installed a few weeks ago. Just a little one. Kinda like the in wall AC units you see on TV. Only this one is a heat pump, which means you use the refrigerant to heat rather than cool. Anyway, to make a long description less long, I think I agree with our senior service guy, heat pumps are not the way to go in Michigan. It’s just too damn cold here for them. You need a little more temperate climate to really make them work. Anyway, I think the boss has already resold it, so I’ll probably be putting it in somebody elses house in a week or so. I hope they’re happier with it than the last guy was.

Pager just went off twice. Once to say some dude had no heat. Then 5-minutes later to say, ignore that last page. Being on-call isn’t so bad.

Just three more days of school. Well, two actually, I won’t be there on Wednesday because I get to go to the dentist. Thursday almost doesn’t count either because I go in take my exam and then head to my girlfriends house… no wait, I don’t do that because I don’t have a girlfriend anymore. I guess I’ll come home and post about the last day instead. But I’ve a hunch I know what I’ll be thinking about. *Sigh* Maybe to work through this I should write another post about how this is all for the best. If I keep telling myself that, eventually I’ll believe it.

I wonder if I could get my artist friend to redo my lion? I worked on it again on Sunday but I keep finding myself unsatisfied with the result. I’m probably going to have to go and have a pro do it up right. Wonder how much that’ll cost? Ah well, if I get it done right, then I can get a hat made :)

What About Sunday?

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Yesterday I was too pooped to play. It was one of those long nights on Saturday. You know. The kind where you spend a lot of time in the car just driving around and singing to the radio/CD player. You drive by peoples houses you know just because you don’t know why. Then you decide to get some dinner and while you’re on your way to Qdoba to get your self a delicious Fajita Ranchera Burrito your ex-wife calls, the second one, and tells you that your friends from Bellaire are in town and that you should come out and hang with them because the poor guy is stuck with about a dozen women (yeah, poor bastard, what a way to go out)… anyway, so I went. I mean really, why not. It was fun, the band was good, the company was good, and I got out fairly cheap (what with the ex owing me, ha). But thank you none the less.

It was a good night. Probably too good. But I have to thank my friends for their good advice, it worked out rather well, they’re great people. The ex says I won them in the divorce, but I think we can share them. I do need to take the bike up there and see them and their new house this summer. Okay, where was I… I think it was about 9:00 am when I finally rolled in the front door. I crashed for like, maybe two hours, and my sister only tried to wake me up twice to make her pancakes…. Listen bitch, make your own pancakes :) I ain’t getting up for nobody.

When I did get up I was just kinda out of it. I wrote some song lyrics, haven’t done that in years, but they’re not very good and so I’ll not share them. Besides everybody has been giving me advice about my little, married lady that goes something like “get over it, you knew it wouldn’t last. I mean, fuck. SHE’S MARRIED.” And since I don’t want to get any more of that nonsense, I’ll just keep the lyrics to myself. I studied a little, very little. And I finished up my 2006 taxes. I think I was in bed by 9:30 pm. That was my Sunday.

Stop Drop and Roll

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This morning I took my youngest to the orthodontist, his little brother came with us. He’s too young to stay at home alone. I always feel odd taking him places, not that I’ve actually taken him all that many places. This is partially because he’s not my child, partially because his father has made it clear that he shouldn’t like me (this is bad because he does like me and that causes confusion in an 8-year old), and partially because he’s so damn demanding of my attention. The kid really wants something from me that I can’t give him. Or rather, I could, but I don’t feel like I can. It’s just rough. He sees me as his brothers dad and wants so badly to be part of their world (they’re 7 and 10 years older than he is) that he kinda latches onto me. This wasn’t so bad when I was seeing his mother, but it did make the confusion worse for him. But I’m not seeing her any more and break-ups are always hard on kids.

Funny bit, we were sitting in the waiting room, talking about I don’t remember what, and I said that I needed to get a girlfriend. He says, “Um… Ronn… What about my mom?” A little sarcastically and more as a reminder than a question. So I look at him and say, “We tried that, didn’t really work out. Remember. I haven’t been around since Thanksgiving.” That seemed to leave him at a loss. But hey, what else could I say.

Anyway, my son didn’t get his braces off yet again. He also got a promise to get the fuck kicked out of him if he didn’t get his grades back up. Yeah, I know I shouldn’t talk to the kid like that, but it works. Besides at 14 the kid has too much fuck building up in him as it is.

I’m going stir crazy. I took the rest of the day off and I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve got a bank account full of money that I can’t bring myself to spend. And believe me, I’ve tried. I find I’m just obsessing about things I have no control over. Berating myself for once again letting things go without a fight. I’ve been to Best Buy, Kroger, K-Mart, the Chevrolet dealership, past a few rental homes, the pawn shop, and driven from Waterford to Clarkston to Oxford. Nothing. Didn’t buy anything. Didn’t sooth my soul. Didn’t make me feel any better. Now I’m sitting here in front of the computer trying to put up a post that doesn’t say what I want to say and still says something. I’m sure I’m going to end up back in the car. The driving and singing takes the edge off.

I mean I’ve got things I could do. I could go to my friends. I could go work out. I could go to the library. I could read a book or finish my late taxes. But no, I’m just beside myself. I mean I’m not sad or depressed or mad or any other negative emotion. I’m just bored, because I don’t know what to look forward to, don’t know how to suppress these feelings. Wait. Not true. What I need is to get a girlfriend and just move on. Problem is that right now I don’t want to do that.

Hope

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Tonight I played electrician for my ex-wife. What a mess her electrical is, all sorts of unused boxes, unused wires, and the whole thing is set up for a generator, yeesh. What a mess. Anyway, got her squared away and got a nice meal out of the whole deal. Probably could have gotten more than that, but I excersised some judgement and decided that wouldn’t be the best thing to go and do. What with us not talking for the last 3-months. I don’t need the sex and that’s not the relationship I want to be in. And like I said the other day, I’m not what she’s looking for right now anyway. Besides, I think we both know who I want to be with. Right.

Hell, that’s why I started blogging again. So that at least maybe I’ll be read and not fade away. I know it’s a horribly passive-aggressive thing to do, but what are my options… I don’t think I have any. I’m just waving the flag as my ship slowly sinks beneath the waves.

Though, I will say, yesterday was an unexpected surprise. I’m both happy to know that at least my MySpace page is being looked at and shocked at how I found out. Quite brazen.

I’ve been listening to Kid Rocks newest CD for the last couple days and really enjoying it. I like the rockin’ stuff more than the ballads, but that’s probably just because I’m in a raw state with my feelings right now; a little angry, a little hurt, a little scared, and a little hopeful. I cover it all with some hard bass and screaming guitar. Works for me.

This morning I checked the bank and my tax refund arrived, sweet. Now I can pay last years taxes and still have enough money to move out. There’s a little rental house I’ve got my eye on in Waterford by my old high school. Assuming things go well when I talk to my boss next week, Tuesday, I think I’m going to make the move. I’ve been with my sister long enough. It’s time to move on. Besides, if I hold onto that money I’ll end up buying a new vehicle. Ah, who am I kidding…. that’s gonna happen soon anyway…

What I Need

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I need new boots.
I need some one to rework that damn shield in the top, left corner… I’d pay for that.
I need a good hair cut.
I need a pick-up truck.
I need to talk to my boss.
And I need to find a house that’ll work with me on a land contract.
That’s what I need. Hook me up and I’ll be forever grateful.

So sue me, all my needs are really wants!