Martha!

Batman_Superman
art by Hermann Mejia

Yesterday, I went and saw a movie with Lady Ronn and the middle child. I’m going to say a lot of snarky things, but I’ll start by saying: I did not hate this movie, but I was disappointed in what they (Warner Brothers and DC) gave me. I’d give it 3.5 stars on the Netflix scale. I liked it. I did not really like it and I certainly didn’t love it.

Warner Brothers and DC have no idea what they’re doing. Or, said more optimistically, Warner Brothers and DC are still finding their footing with this whole movie world-building business. Man of Steel was a mess. Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice is a mess. Both movies have great visuals. There is good stuff in there, but it’s not consistent and the whole thing is very mopey and disjointed. Though it does a good job of continuing where Man of Steel leaves off.

I could give you a review, but you probably know me well enough to know that mostly I don’t like movies. So rather than a review, how about I just give you a bunch of random thoughts…

Color people. Let’s use something other than blue. Maybe juxtaposition the light of Superman against the dark of Batman. I get it. You want to make serious superhero films. But I’m almost a hundred percent sure that you can do that and still use colors that are not ‘dark’.

Henry Cavill has both the look and the chops to be Superman. Why won’t they let him? They have screwed up both of his movies and poisoned the character in an attempt to make it dark and gritty. I like him. I like the suit. I don’t like what they’re doing. And I can’t imagine he’s terribly happy with the deal he’s getting.

It seems pretty obvious to me that Zack Snyder does not like the Superman character.

Batman/Bruce Wayne, as played by Daredevil/Matt Murdock, is good but not really worth all the press he’s getting. He is super-buff, has the size to be the Bat, and looks the part. But this guy is super angry and more than a little off the chain. So much for the ultra-disciplined detective. Also, Lady Ronn pointed out that the guy is a billionaire and can’t find a well fitted shirt. Oh, and he is just as much not character accurate as the dude in the red cape. Could he kill any more people? Honestly.

Batman’s dream sequences and origin story should have been cut and thrown out. Useless. And there were plenty of other things that needed explanation that could have filled that space.

Why the hell does Lois Lane get as much screen time as she does? She is both on screen more and has more dialog than the man of steel. I mean, really, who cares about this character?

Designing Facebook has apparently turned Lex Luther into Joker-lite. So much for the ruthless business man and power-hungry criminal mastermind, instead we get a crazy rich kid. Another portrayal that is off base.

Lex Luthor’s plan gets way too much screen time and nowhere near enough explanation. Plus, it’s really kinda silly.

Why is the hulk in this movie? Okay, it’s not the hulk, but it might just as well be. It’s certainly not Doomsday. And can we all say, boring fight.

Hey look, it’s Wonder Woman. Never saw that coming. Ha. Yeah, we all did. She has a very short skirt. I don’t know what her motivation is, but she seems to be following the same leads as Daredevil, and no one knows why. Of the three characters, she seemed to be the most ‘good’ and I liked that.

You can tell me that Superman dying is a set-up for the next movie, but I believe it is just more Zack Snyder hates Superman garbage. Besides, if you’re going to do the Death of Superman storyline, maybe this isn’t the way to do it.

Batman and Superman fight until one of them either says the safe word or cries for their momma. Just bad writing here.

A couple of other thoughts…

You show us the other heroes as computer files? Really? That’s the best you can do? So lame.

Suicide Squad has absolutely no interest for me. I don’t want movies about villains.