I returned to work yesterday and some part of me must have been hoping something would have changed, what with the vacation and the turning of the year. I think this because just being at work put me in a funk. You know the kind; unhappy, unsatisfied, disillusioned, and a little bit angry. I hesitate to write about this stuff on my blog, because I know that my boss (who just happens to be my best friend) has been known to read those posts and it puts both he and I in a bit of a spot.
See, it’s one thing to complain to your friend about your job and how it lacks almost everything you’re looking for from a career. It’s quite another thing to tell your boss the same thing. That’s the position I find myself putting us in when I post about work. And then to put these posts up while I’m on the clock… It’s just not good.
So what’s the problem with your job, Ronn? I can hear you ask. You work eight hours on a long day, come in late regularly and no one cares, take the occassional long lunch, get two weeks of vacation and are social with your manager and his manager. You work with most of the guys you game with, get paid better than you should, and don’t have to work from home or do any kind of oncall. How bad could it be? Sounds like a pretty good job to me.
Sure when you look at it like that its not so bad. Unfortunately, that’s not the way that I look at it. Most of this will make me sound like a little, whiny bitch, but what the hell. Here we go.
I sit surrounded by people whose issues are not my issues and whose issues they know I can’t help them with, as such we don’t talk much. This is made more poignant by the fact that the two groups that I sit near talk amongst themselves alot. And while there is only a six foot gap between myself and the other two members of my team, there’s no communication there either. The two of them are engineers and I’m a guy who’s title is engineer. So while they’re working issues, solving problems, and answering questions I’m mucking around with the bullshit issues that clog up our ticket bucket. Which is fine, that’s really all I can handle. See, I’ve managed to get myself promoted to my level of incompetence. And I know it.
The problem is that I don’t want to learn anything more about this job and I don’t care about the public switched telephone network. I find the work uninspiring and monotonous. I want a different job. But of course I’m not qualified to do anything else and I don’t have a college degree to bullshit my way past an interview. The skills I’ve learned over the last five or six years are useless outside of this company. I find myself doing as little `work’ as possible, just enough to keep getting a paycheck, and that only lends itself to my deepening depression at what I’m doing for a living. It just seems to me that if I’m going to spend more than a third of my day at work, shouldn’t it be something that gives some level of satisfaction. Something that you enjoy, are good at, or at the very least something you care about.
All in all, I know that I’ve got it pretty good and writing stuff like this just risks it all needlessly. But I realize that I could have so much more if I just put some effort into getting it. I’m not looking to get rich, heck I’m not even looking to find the answer to all my troubles, all I really want is to find some personal satisfaction from my work. Which is why I’ve put as much emphasis on my writing as I have in the last few months.
Well, it’s a new year and that means new possiblities, I guess we’ll see what happens. Later.